I am a 35 year old female. My symptoms have quadrupled in severity compared to my 20s. When I was 14, hiding cuts on my wrists, sobbing in my room, my mom came down to “comfort” me. And that’s when I said, “I need help. I need a therapist. I need to talk to someone.” And nothing happened.
I swear shortly after that, when I realized I wasn’t going to get the help I needed, I switched. I knew I couldn’t keep going the way I was without support. I did what I could to shove the pain deep down.
My 20s were a big distraction. I still dealt with depression and anxiety, however it’s only gotten worse.
Diagnosed with hyperthyroid disorder and Graves’ disease at 29. Diagnosed with depression at 32 (and finally medicated).
My updated diagnosis at 35 is PDD (Persistent Depressive Disorder) and social anxiety. I’m fairly positive I also have ADHD. But getting a diagnoses for that is proving to be rather difficult. Or easy, but insanely expensive.
A large part of me is bitter at my mom. She specifically stated to me that my upbringing could make things difficult down the line. But when I asked for a therapist years before, nothin came of it. It wasn’t even talked about after that.
How would you feel? What would you do?
I’m struggling to understand my moms logic at the time, If there was any. Took me a long time to realize how toxic my mother was growing up. Should I continue a relationship with her? Am I wrong for questioning this?