I understand that others have challenges greater than mine, and I recognize that many people can relate to what I am experiencing. On the same note, I think that I struggle to articulate my feelings effectively.
I began attending therapy about a month ago to work on my confidence, openness, and the quality of my relationships. After trying to cope on my own for a long time, I finally realized the need to talk to someone else. While therapy seems to be helping, it has also made me feel more vulnerable and sensitive.
The job prospects after graduation are bleak due to the challenging job market in computer science and my lackint skills and resume. I am a burden to my mother(I still live with her)and my siblings, who have their own lives. I pick up these vibes with the things they say sometimes. I have no friends or other people that I talk to.
Some days do seem to go well: I recently cleaned my room, and I have had a few days where I did not overthink and felt more productive.
I thought that by being open and honest with my therapist about my low days, I wouldn't experience them as frequently. However, I have a tendency to avoid addressing problems, so this a bit of a change for me. Despite having better days, I still find mornings and some days particularly rough.
I feel like a burden and undeserving of being here. I wish everyone would move on and forget about me. I no longer have anything to look forward to, not even graduation, which I thought would be exciting. I never imagined reaching this point or anything after this.
If I bring this up with my therapist, will I be institutionalized? Or maybe a better question, how can I bring this up without it having unintended consequences?