I don’t know what it is exactly. I’m obviously mentally ill, but with what? I’m on the autism spectrum with OCD and learning difficulties. For some reason I just seem to attract a lot of negative attention wherever I go. The internet, people in real life. I don’t even speak in real life, so how that comes about is a mystery to me. But it seems worse on the internet because I keep making mistakes and missing out things. People don’t read intent or something? I don’t get it (look at my post history for examples)
But I’ve been bullied in real life for over 8 months now, and it’s gotten progressively worse to the point where I’ve been told to hang myself. It’s important to clarify that I admit to wrong doings a lot, I do this in person. I mention how I’ve done something wrong, like breaking something or arguing. I don’t hide secrets, it’s a gimmick I grew up with that I hope would give people trust, but it seems to do the opposite and I don’t understand why. I feel lonely, I feel like an easy target for people to bash on. Then I get asked why I have a low self-esteem and why can’t I look at the positives.
My life is just suffering. What’s the point anymore? Why do people want me to live in an inherently cruel world?