Initially posted in r/SuicideWatch but I understand there’s many people and I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and need some thoughts.
If this is not the proper place, I’m sorry and I understand.
“hi 25 f diagnosed with anxious depression since being 15.
currently on medication (150 mg sertraline, 0’5 mg clonazepam 3 times a day ) and “therapy”.
last march I had a mild attempt (didn’t really know what I was doing, justa taking various alprazolam pills) and my bf came a took me to the hospital. they put me on the current medication and try and follow with the treatment but nothing new. I said I wanted to be admitted at the hospital but the doctor said I wouldn’t want to be there becase the people there are sicker than me.
this weekend I had a very bad mood and had episodes which I can’t recall, my boyfriend told what I did (only to myself), but I think mostly self harm. even thought of cutting myself
been three days taking compulsively two clonazepams and two diazepams at the same time like twice a day. and a oxicodone later on the night. also having a lot of intrusive thoughts
i’m scared about this and increasing the doses each day. I don’t want lo live anymore but I know I must keep going. I’m feeling like loosing my mind and don’t know what to do anymore since I don’t want to wear off of lose my boyfriend. I think I’m a burden to him despite him denying it profusely.
right now feeling very bad but i’m gonna sleep a bit to see if I feel a little calmer.
I just want some advice or something, I feel lost and crazy and don’t know where to go.
sorry for bad english, not my first language”
Not feeling better nor calmer