I feel like shit and i need to vent this somewhere. My psychiatrist and therapist cant agree if I have a mood disorder or bpd but regardless of that I know there are amazing people rising above their mental health problems and acomplishing fantastic things. On the other hand, most days I just struggle to meet my basic goals. Bigger goals in life are falling to the wayside. I didn't finish my master's thesis and put it on hold to pursue freelancing but it has been a year and I haven't launched. I just barely continued at my part time job that pays the bills and moved out of my parents. I flake. It's hard to commit to anything and be consistent. Without it my life won't go anywhere. On bad days I feel sorry for myself and I tuck away the possibility of offing myself as a last resort in case things get really bad and I feel only desperation. I think I'm just lazy and its just easy to be shit than to do the hard things. Then I hate myself for being so unreliable but apparently not enough to change it for good. It will always be hard to change.
