Before anything else, I do not have access to a therapist right now, not a good one at the very least. I do struggle with CPTSD from CSA and Childhood Abuse, which makes all this a bit harder to diagnose ADHD from, but I'd like to try and describe myself anyhow.
This problem goes way way back. I've always had difficulty concentrating. Even as a child, I'd often be lost in my own world, run off in the middle of classes that were being taught and fail to understand why it was a problem. I was said to be smarter and creative of the bunch, told I was gifted but not putting it to use, which is also reflected in my IQ which is 135. I was bullied because I was very emotional, and I was always looked at weirdly for how I acted. I never understood social cues or etiquette and used to act in manners that others would consider out of place.
My teachers were often frustrated with my lack of concentration in classes as I'd be doodling all the time, or just chatting with whoever was sitting next to me all the time, and being inattentive even when being talked to directly. Sometimes, I found myself focusing really hard at people's words to understand them, or rewinding movies again and again because I didn't pay attention to the dialogue but instead on some random fucking detail irrelevant to everything.
Eventually, I got into various forms of art and still tend to get into hobbies but leave them after a short while. I had a short phase of learning to draw as a child and I got good but never too good as I'd leave it as soon as I was getting serious about it. I got into poetry and story writing and that's how I got good at Creative Writing but failed at not hitting my impatience with it too.
Even now, sometimes I just can't concentrate because I'm too in my head, overthinking way too much or just hyperfixating on something for weeks. I have to listen to music to shut my thoughts, and I keep singing or humming all the time even when it's inappropriate to without even noticing I started doing so. Music helps but sometimes even that's not good enough to shut the thoughts down most of the time as I'm always distracted at something other than the subject matter.
I'm 18 now, and realising more and more that my life's a mess. I got into therapy but my therapist ended up as incompetent and my parents who barely agreed to it gave up on it pretty quickly.
In the past few years, life's got harder. My room's always a mess, and I get too depressed to shower for many days, and while PTSD affects me in ways that completely ruin my life too, I do begin to wonder whether this unwillingness to live life, work hard and this inability to be engrossed in something might be a result of ADHD.
I'll answer any questions that might be asked of me and I just want people to be kind, whether they think I have ADHD or not because this post has been in my drafts for a while too (yeah, I even procrastinate posting shit on the internet lmao).
Thank you for reading and sorry for how long this is.