I'm starting this off by saying I'm 19f, and first remember it happening around last year when a certain person who was toxic to me at times, (and lack accountability so I couldnt speak to them to fix things..) anyway we bumped into eachother while shopping, she told me she is getting her belly button pierced which is something I have wanted to do for a few years but couldn't due to mostly money reasons!
She asked me if I want to get mine done too & i was interested but then I suddenly started to fear she'll accuse me of copying her or act like I only have mine because of her initiating it which made me uncomfortable…
I didn't end up and also had to rush home due to other reasons but for a long time I felt like if I get mine does she'll accuse me of copying her or think I did idk..! This may be my ocd causing all of this but sadly it's not easy to notice sometimes.
Then another time I shared my interest with someone and after they randomly mentioned they want to do it too and I suddenly started to get the same feelings as the other times..?
Sometimes it's very very irrational because it's normal to share common interests.
I don't know sometimes if my ocd has caused all of this.
It also makes me feel very toxic sometimes and has made me behave certain ways sometimes
(like making comments in front of them about how i like those certain things i guess because I was afraid they'll accuse me of copying them and other times it was because I felt like they "stole" my interests..!)
This has all made me feel terrible and toxic after š it's like i became paranoid.
This has been going on for say a year or so.
Once I told my sister (we are not very close and live far so barely see eachother)
that I love flowers and butterflies – and right after, she started to show me some new thing she got online and said "yano me, I'm obsessed with flowers" (I didn't know)
and I just felt like she disregarded me of also liking them? Or in a way copied me and acted like she is the one who likes them or tried to one up me?
I mean due to the way it happened i think it's understandable i felt that way?
Imagine you tell someone you like something and right after they do that idk.. And maybe she herself was uncomfortable that i also liked similar to her idk?
We are not very close but i realised we do kind of share similar interests.. Which helps me with the ocd thing but not always. I'm not sure if this all is very common, but i feel like my brain takes it to the extremes and sometimes is irrational :(( Ive even sometimes felt annoyed if someone likes similar things as me which is not okay. Or if someone has an idea that i had but didn't tell anyone and then they say or do it.. Not like rly upset but I just feel a little punch to the gut or something.. Oh and then I feel bad because now If i do or get the same they'll think i copied etc etc and it spirals again.
Now I keep having a fear that she might think I copied her if she sees me with any flowery things. And by the way I have always loved flowers and use them alot for decor or even on my clothes I like floral patterns or flower embroidery, anything with flowers and you've got my attention… Same with my favourite colour lol. I think when I like something i just LOVE it lmao!
I really want to overcome this issue because I feel like it's not "me" it's almost become some strange paranoia thing and it affects me alot, and makes me feel toxic. And I want to just stop caring about if anyone does think or accuse me of copying them if i know myself that I didn't..!
It's the same as if i take inspo from somewhere or someone, where as before I'd think nothing of it, now i feel weird and uncomfortable and fear they'll think I'm copying them. Oh and sadly sometimes it's like I get jealous? That someone thought of that too/before me idk.
I'm thinking maybe ocd has caused this? I suffered badly last year. And I saw other people with ocd and it goes a bit like this.. With an obsession but they know it's not very logical yet your brain won't stop. š