(TW!!!!! body image talk, weight talk, drug relapse)
So I got injured somehow about a week ago (probs at work or while exercising…) and since then I haven’t worked out. I have also been recovering for about four months now and gained a great amount of weight, so i’m no longer underweight and got my period back after losing it for two years. Been struggling with an ED for about 7 years now, it’s been very messy.
anyway…because i haven’t exercised, and because ive gained weight, i just feel…ugly? i always have, even at my lowest weight ofc. but now it’s a different kind. i feel flabby. i had muscles not long ago, and now i suddenly have a slight muffin top. my arms used to be so squishy, then i managed to get them firm and thin, and suddenly they’re squishy again with some muscle. i don’t know. and my stomach looks…big. i used to literally have a flat toned stomach it’s insane. now, after like 15 lbs, my belly is fkn protruding with flab 🙁 i’m very upset. at work rn too. also, this has triggered me to relapse on my drug habit as well…since ive noticed they helped me lose weight before. i feel miserable ngl. also stopped taking my antidepressants because of the risk of serotonin syndrome being too high with the drugs im taking… an old habit i did for years in the past… back at it again. I’m scared. ha