im in senior year and as i get closer to graduation everything just seems to get worse. i was so happy as a child and my mental state was perfect but ive been dealing with stuff ever since i was 12/13 and it started out with small things but i dont even know how it got this bad. i mean dont hate me for saying this but everything seems so much easier and better for the people around me. they can talk to people without being awkward, do presentations in class without shaking and not being able to breathe and i just feel like God put me on this planet to suffer. I’m extremely inhibited, anxious and have some crazy irrational obsessions. theres also this pit in my stomach that just seems to dig itself deeper every day. it got pretty bad around winter last year but i felt how i got better when summer came around, but this year its just not the same. in fact its getting even worse. i dont even know how ill walk up to the stage to get my diploma in a month without shaking like crazy. i tried so many things to try and solve my problems but it doesnt get better. when i drink with friends they all seem to feel so euphoric but im just completely numb. i know this makes me sound like a crazy narcissist but i feel like i have it the worst and i just wish people could plug their consciousness into my brain and see what it’s like. it will never get better. i will either start abusing xanax and oxy or off myself
