I (18M), have dealt with this identity crisis for quite a long time. By this I mean that things that I should feel connected to, i.e., my name, my reflection, my voice, etc, don’t feel like mine. I feel “faceless” so to speak. I feel as though I do not have an identity to which I can actually cling onto as “myself.”
This identity crisis once led me to attempting to end my life. I backed out last second as I was suffocating, but I still tried nonetheless. The lack of answers to who I “was” was extraordinarily frustrating, stressed me out and made me extremely depressed.
Let me give a bit of a clearer picture of how this manifests in everyday life: When I wake up and go to brush my teeth, I don’t see myself in the mirror, I see someone who happens to be the body in which I reside. I sometimes have to remind myself “hey, that’s you, by the way” and I’m like “oh, that’s weird. I don’t feel any relation to them.” I go to school and as the teacher calls my name for attendance I almost forget to answer because the name doesn’t feel like it’s attached to me. Hell, sometimes I’m not even sure I am the gender I think I am. It’s like I don’t identify with any fundamental part of my being. This is quite distressing to me and it drains me when I go about trying to find answers to my questions. No matter what I look up, I never feel clear about what it is that I am truly experiencing