I (29F) have struggled with my mental health for a long time. I want to k!ll myself but I’m a coward; and I have 2 kids. They’re really the only reason I’m still here. I don’t want them to feel like I feel; not good enough for love. 20+ years of abuse from parents and partners didn’t help anything but I’m starting to think they’re all right about me.
I feel like I don’t belong here. Like no one really likes me. Like everyone talks bad about me all the time. Like I will never accomplish anything & I’m pushing 30. I just feel like a complete failure and like I’m not good enough for anything even close to good or joyful even though I really try hard to see the “bright side” of everything.
I don’t like anything about myself or my life & I have worked so hard to make something good of myself & I just, can’t.
I’m just tired of failing & life constantly kicking me in the teeth.
As I said before, again, I’m a coward & don’t want to leave my kids behind but this is all getting to be much harder to cope with.
I’m scared of dying because I won’t get to see my children ever again but sometimes I feel they’d do better off without me dragging them down like I seem to do everyone else. I don’t think I’d ever do anything, I’ve been in the psych ward 3 times in the past 2 years over it so I’m trying to fix it but it’s like the more I try the more I hurt.