All the therapists I’ve been to either admit to not being able to help me or just waste my time.
I have huge issues with recognizing my own emotions, all I really know is anger and shame. I’m angry all the time and feel no remorse for my actions. I don’t know how it feels to be happy or in love. I don’t remember. I’m just ready to become a hulk at any given second. I’m loosing friendships, love interests. I’m manipulative and toxic in many ways. I wish I could be more considerate of others but I’m afraid it’s no longer possible. I have issues with entitlement, grandiosity and pride, so obviously I’m above everyone. I’m terrified of commitment. Deep down I’m very ashamed of everything about me. Majority of these things have been caused by many traumatic situations in my life
I will treat you like shit and then get mad at you and announce you “weak”, all because you let someone like me treat you this way. I will give you heart eyes until I see a single flaw in you – then you are not perfect anymore, suddenly I’m disgusted and you need to be altered or discarded.
I’m really frustrated with my life, since I’m overly ambitious. I tried to be better but now I ended up angry and arrogant. As I said before – I don’t feel any guilt for my actions, I just really need advice on how to get a hold of my anger, it’s destructive to me. I do not mean to be cruel but I guess the abused becomes the abuser. It’s all I know.
How can I bring my emotions back? I wish I could love or miss people, feel excitement or happiness.
I already work out 5 times a week and it’s not helping, I tried volunteering at an animal shelter – did not feel a thing. I’m running out of solutions.