I am so mentally drained. I try so hard to empathize with him but some times his delusions are so hardcore. My mother was his best friend and she passed away. I am all he has. I don't know how she did this all those years. So many have given up on him but I cannot because of the love I have for my mother. I know he feels alone because others don't see things he does, or feel things as strongly. And I feel alone because people cannot see how or why I haven't walked away from him. Especially when they see what it does to me.
Does anyone understand what I mean when I feel such sadness over the fact that I make SO MANY valid points with him and it's just a waste of thought and energy. Because no matter what I say or how I say it, he is right. Everyone else is wrong. It feels like I am working double time but getting nowhere.
Every time he calls I am obligated to answer. I hold my breath until I see what mood he is in. Please. I am not trying to sound selfish. The energy it takes to not set him off is exhausting. Tip toeing. Will I say the one thing that will make him attempt suicide again? It is SO HARD to not argue when you 100 percent know you are right.
I hope I don't regret posting. I don't even know what I want to get out of this. Solidarity maybe. I just feel so alone after an especially hard few years without my mum. It kills me to know that this is how she silently felt for 25 years.
People say it shouldn't matter if a person is family or not. If they are negativity affecting your well-being. Your mental health. Then it's time to walk away. Man I sound so selfish, right?