Hi so I 19f have an unhealthy obsession with a certain content creator, I will not be naming him but he's 27 and male. Recently he had been exposed for being an awful person and for some reason I started to watch him more often, I started interacting with his content in 2023. But after the allegations came out this unhealthy obsession came to be. I constantly watch his youtube/twitch vods etc whenever I can. I keep thinking about him when im not watching him and I just can't get enough of him. I even will go as far to say that my brain is genuinely convinced that I could date him, I'm aromantic so I definitely am not in love it's more of just a platonic and sexual obsession? I've messaged him on discord (no response ofc) and my brain won't stop making me believe he'll one day respond and we'll end up being friends or possibly more. How do I stop this? Or is it a fate thing? I have used many manifestation tactics and none of them have worked either. I'm not sure if I should just let this continue or I should just stop it completely. I am in counseling for other issues and I'm too scared to bring this up. What do I do? Any help would be appreciated.
Also please no hate I genuinely hate being like this, I don't need more people telling me I'm a disgusting human being for having these thoughts. If you have any questions feel free to ask. I thought it would be good to post this here because it is sort of mental health related.