I am a 28 yo woman and I have a lot on my mind lately. I still seem to be immature, mainly, I am impulsive, fearful and can't hide my feelings for the life of me. I really would like to surpass this, even though I don't feel a lot of things.
To clarify. My empathy is low for people if I think we aren't close or that they don't care for me… Even though others see them as caring for me, I can't see that and I hate it. Why do I feel people around me are so fake even with limited emotions they show? I know logically that it's probably the opposite since fake people don't show any emotion.
I think I try to find parallels with my and others behaviour, so since I am turbulent (I cry while talking about my problems and often in these times I'm inconsolable if people insult me or I blush easily and I act like a bashful kid or get overly excited when I talk to new people) I probably expect others to also behave like that and since they are all calm I think they are fake when they aren't?
I'm not sure if I'm some sort of a narcissist (in before anyone says "yOu CaNt Be A NaRciSsIsT bEcAuSe yOuRe SeLf AwAre" – I think all people are self aware, some just don't want to admit it to others) or if I'm actually just inherently bad. I am kinder to people I barely know than I am to some family members ffs.
Whatever it is, I want to make myself better. So if anyone has advice about becoming better at controlling your emotions AND simultaneously gaining empathy… I'd appreciate that.