Why, why didn't I leave. Why didn't I let you walk away. I let us become toxic. I let me become hateful. We became resentful. Why. Just why did you have to be everything I want. Why did you have to be so wonderful. Why couldn't I just let down all my walls and let you love me. Why did I have to push you away. Why do I break everything. Why just why do I have to be so broken and angry and not even remember where it came from. Why does she have to finally care about me after you don't. Am I only letting her back in cause I'm lonely or were really as much of a villan as they say. Did they see you for what I never could. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what to feel. Who to trust. All over again I've become a walking self fulfilling prophecy. I loved you. LOVE you. 4 years isn't wiped away in a month. But still it hurts so much. I'm no saint between us. I know that. But I wish you could've loved the sinner I am. Or that I could've just stopped being so awful. I wish and beg and plead and cry and scream but nothing can change that I pushed you away. I broke you. And in return you broke me. Could we have called it even. I need to let go of you. Of what we were. But at night. I still lay awake and think of you. I wish you happiness. I hope you still wish it for me. I hope I didn't make you hate me.
