I have no idea who I am. I used to have interests and goals and hobbies but lately I just feel like a shell of a person. I’ve spent my whole life being palletable for others. I had a traumatic head injury in 2019 then entered the pandemic, and I was not doing well. I completely fell apart, and resorted to alcoholism. Since then I’ve taken breaks, cut back, seen psychiatrists, therapists, and inpatient mental health care. The alcohol doesn’t control my life anymore, but I still just don’t feel right. I’m not sure how to find the person I was before, or who I am supposed to be now. I don’t have any goals. I used to love art and expression, but now I just feel empty. I’m not a fan of being on meds, but now I take anxiety + ADHD medication and play cozy games like minecraft and stardew as if it’s some kind of temporary fix. I play for hours to try and feel like i’m accomplishing something. I feel like my life has been halted? Obviously playing video games doesn’t help, but I feel useless. Like I stopped living years ago. I don’t know how to return to who I was, or how to be someone better. Yeah yeah, go to the gym, eat more greens, I do that. I go outside, I see new views, I try my best, but at the end of the day I still feel stuck and alone. I’m not really trying to be fit, just happy. I know i’m not the only one, but how do I fix this? How do I really fix this? I don’t know. What’s the point? I would love for some hope.
