I feel I’ve had decline on my mental health
I feel I’m struggling to be happy. I’ve been having issues these past few years and I don’t know how to vent and figured I’d try here. I feel been developing really bad anger issues and constantly feel defeated.
My freshman year of high school I started having a weird feeling and felt scared. It turned out that I was having absent seizures, although not very life threatening I’d have 3-4 seizures a day.I started seeing doctors trying to get help with this issue and after a few months of appointments and different treatments they discovered I had brain tumor causing the seizures.
Again it wasn’t very life threatening and the seizures weren’t bad but I hated having seizures and the constant intake of medications. I know I have no right in comparing on something as meaningless as this but I hated the thought of just having the tumor or the very small chance of becoming cancerous. And when I heard surgery could remove the tumor and possibly stop seizures from occurring I felt happy in having a chance to stop this.
The problem though isn’t this but my family,mainly my parents, when they heard I could get surgery they completely opposed the idea and wanted me to take natural medicine. Although it could maybe prevent seizures, it wouldn’t remove the tumor and I constantly opposed the idea. This then caused them to constantly critic me on choices I made like attending doctors appointments and wanting surgery.
The problem wasn’t money, I had insurance that covered everything, even transportation to appointments so it didn’t cost them anything but time and even then they had the opportunity to let me attend with anyone who they’d allow to attend. It got to a point where I felt defeated and speaking about anything would be ignored.
So ended up waiting till I was 18 to get surgery, I thankfully was fortunate enough to have the insurance cover those costs, but I hated how they wanted to be with me. I understand they had a concern for me as their child but I just hated I waited years for surgery and for them to be there. I know this is childish to complain about this but it’ll be a year now and I still find myself angry about what happened, I hate myself for this.
And again I feel I’ve put myself in dumb situation, i believed I could trust a family member and bought something from them and ended up in a loss of a large sum of money. I just feel defeated, I know I have no right in saying this but I just want to end it all. I’m tired of hoping things will get better but I feel I’m heading in a direction that just won’t get better. I just want to be happy.
I’m resharing this, I wanted to get some Franck on my thoughts and if there’s anything I should go about doing.