I really can't see myself improving my life. I feel like I was meant to suffer and eventually kill myself. I'm 30M, I dropped out of school bc I just didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I still have no fucking idea. Everything is too boring or too overwhelming for me to understand. I have a hard time with math, science, speaking in front of people, forming connections, and doing anything physical.
I was also born with deformities and I hate how I look EVERY FUCKING DAY. I've always hated how I looked and I've thought about ending it so many fucking times bc of it.
As of now, I feel numb. I feel like the day of me ending it is getting closer. I know I'm be making a few people in my life sad, but tbh I don't really care anymore. What's the point in living if you're ugly as fuck and too dumb to make a good living?