Hello guys
I (22F) have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (21M) for a few months now. Before i get into the details, he is one of the most caring partners i have ever had, and is trying his best to make me feel comfortable and loved. He is trying and i want help finding a way to be there for him.
Now to the point, we both aren’t the epitome of mental stability to put it lightly. I have diagnosed depression and anxiety, and still am suspicious of my conditions. My boyfriend has never been diagnosed appropriately though he has been to therapy before. He escaped war and lost a loved one not too long ago too, so he has been through a lot. We bond over silly jokes about stuff like this, but not the dark kind and we never let each other fall into a dark place. He is avoidant to an extent, though. I understand that we need our space often, but he also used to smoke weed daily to feel numb, which he only does it occasionally now and has a history of indulging in self sabotaging behavior. I don’t want him to go back to that place again.
Im a very anxious person but i cover it up well, but i know he senses it because i told him about it and he reassures me often. I do feel like a burden on him, much more than i’d like to admit.
Lately, he has been feeling a lot of mental fatigue. I’d love if he confided in me or any of his close friends who love him dearly. I don’t want him to feel alone. He is very attached to me and likewise, we aren’t dependent but we enjoy each other’s company a lot, but lately i feel like he’s been distant and yesterday he hasn’t texted me for an entire day. I’ll admit, i got a bit worried about him but calmed myself down and just texted him that i love him and reminded myself that he has a life. He texted me today telling me that he was feeling incredibly off, as i suspected, and apologized. I don’t want him to text me because it feels like a chore, and i dont want to scare him by putting pressure on him about how worried I’m getting. Im glad that he’s almost sober now and i don’t want him to go back to that place.
I cant tell my friends about this because i know they’d give me the “you’re not his therapist” spiel. I just want to be there for him. He is the sweetest, most genuine soul ever and it pains me that he’s struggling alone. He cant go to therapy because he still lives in an environment that doesn’t believe in it and I’m pretty sure that finances play a part of it too. How do i do this? I’d love to hear any advice on how to let him know that I’ll always be there for him without it being burdening.
Thank you!
