I grew up with my grandparents till I moved to England with my parents. I was nearly 10 when I moved to England. My parents have been working away for first 10 years of my life and I only got to see my mother for two months every year and but I did see my dad a bit more and I liked him growing up and absolutely despised my mother.
My dad retired from the force when I was 6 and I lived with him and my grandparents, even though he was there he was an absent parent.
Just reading about absent parent syndrome and as an adult I have all the issues like clinginess, anxiety, jealousy and fear of abandonment, low self-esteem and always deemed as a bad person for being blunt and saying everything to the face.
I am going to tie the knot soon and I feel like I will fuck up my marriage.
Being my parents not around, my uncles and aunties always put me down to make me look like I am horrible sibling to my little brother and a bad kid in the family.
Even my dad was present in my life from the age of 6 he used to make fun of me Infront of his relatives to make them laugh and never defended me whereas his siblings protected and defended my cousins. I was almost everyones banter donkey and got hate for no reason.
Even writing this getting me teared up and my wedding is around the corner. I burst into tears everytime I get angry and can't control my emotions. My fiancée says it's fine but sometimes I feel like she thinks I am weak, for instance "she asked me why are you getting emotional and crying". As a man this hurt me a little as I felt like she's questioning my masculinity.
I need opinions on if this is the aftermath of absent parenting. Also, after moving to England I used to argue and fight with my mother everyday and my dad was the only solace during my teenage, but as soon as I hit 20s I started despising him as well.