i think i have an addictive and obsessive personality, idk, my brother has adhd, and my mom thinks she does but isn’t diagnosed but she can relate a lot to my brothers struggles as she said she struggled the same way when she was younger
evidence:
* addictive- things that bring pleasure
* freshman year and vodka
* i would drink way too much, i blacked out a lot, i remember the more drunk i got the more alcohol i wanted knowing how much i had already drunk
* vaping (but i quit)
* marijuana
* i’ve been smoking since i was in high school
* smoking i have always been curious ab and wanted to try
* obsessive- things that bring relief
* self harm (impulsive, in the moment)
* hitting myself with my water bottle
* stabbing myself with a screw driver
* scratching at the same place until it turns into a rash
* giving myself piercings, stick and pokes
* the pain made me feel something
* it was a distraction from my thoughts
* impulsive, sometimes if there was an event (ex.: coming back from the adolescent clinic and then saying i have to eat more and not having any control over anything, when i feel like im going crazy)
* eating issues
* counting calories
* knowing what is in my food/ making my food myself
* freaking out if i didn’t know what’s in the food
*internally
*always thinking ab food, calories, nutrition
* working out
* i love to go to the gym but i think part of it is bc of my eating issues
* i go to feel relief but i go a lot maybe to the point of too much, i do a lot but i like to do a lot
* if i don’t do what i normally do i internally freak out and endlessly think about it
* i like to go to the point exhaustion bc then i have no energy left to have to feel anything except calm and tired, like i can finally breathe, like i’m sedated
