Hi So I'm 26 and right now I feel like I am trapped in my own life.
I just feel very hopeless and doomed.
Life feels very depressing at the moment.
I am not doing my job properly, I use to want to do more and was a very determined person but now I do the bare minimum in my work. I've been avoiding certain tasks and not enjoying my work because of how chaotic the work place has become.
I am currently struggling financially and in the process of setting up a plan.
I only have one friend. I'm trying to reach out and make new friends but it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall. I'm trying to reach out to make new friends via certain apps and I'm going to try going to clubs.
I don't have a family, I cut my family out years ago due to extra stress, anxiety and past trama. It was the best decision I ever made but I don't have that support.
I was out with my bf friends (first time meeting them) the other day and one of his friends likes to make very cruel jokes. He started to make jokes at the end of the night that deeply hurt me. Earlier in the night he told me he goes to uni, I graduated in 2022 so I thought I would give him a bit of advice to be friendly. Fast forward to the end of the night he starts talking about how I graduated uni and did nothing with my degree. He apologised quickly but bare in mind he also cracked very personal jokes before hand and apologised for those.
I never get offended by jokes but I'm already not doing okay to begin with so it hurt.
I still get flash backs about those jokes, I didn't bother saying anything because I don't have the energy but it's fare to say I don't want to go out with my bf's friends ever again.
Those jokes where the straw that broke the camels back.
I ended up just crumbling at the end of the night and crying to my bf. Life has became so difficult, I have so much going on inside my mind all the time.
It's depressing to think about how suffocating my life is. How unhappy I am. All this time I put on a brave face, maintain my independence and get on with everything.
Everyone around me has someone to go to if they're upset, I felt as though I didn't.
I cried to my bf because all week I've been trying to be strong but deep down I just wanted someone to come over and give me a hug whilst I cried.
I told him I'm just sick of being strong, I'm sick of being the one that cares about everyone and makes sure everyone is okay. I'm sick of my kindness, I'm sick of doing my best and getting barely anything back.