I don't really know what to do with myself right now, I'm in a bit of an odd situation and I'm terrified. I have had anxiety and depression for 8 years now both of which are severe. I am no longer in therapy or on anti-depressants and I have felt ok for the last year. In the past few weeks both my depression and anxiety have spiked dramatically and within the past couple of days it's gotten so much worse. I have this itching urge to isolate and do something to myself and the urge is getting worse with every day that goes by. I keep feeling like I will pass soon and I can't stop thinking about it, whether it's by my hand or somebody else's. It's gotten so bad that I'm starting to not want to leave my house at all and want to harm myself so I can focus on something else and not this nagging feeling.
I don't really have anyone to turn to. My parents only care about veterans mental health, one brother only notices I exist on my birthday, the other is a psychopath who I don't trust to be in the same room as me, my sister lives hours away and loves me but if I tell her she'll tell our parents and I'll just get yelled at or they'll pretend like they care for an hour then go back to the way they are. I only have one "friend" and she doesn't care about me in the slightest. I don't know what to do or who to turn to and I'm trying so hard but I just feel so helpless and useless. I'm only 19 and feel like I should have fulfilling life but I have no support, no real friends, no-one to turn to, and nobody likes having me around. I'm so tired, I want to feel loved and have friends and parents who want me around. I miss being happy
I don't know why I've felt ok and now feel it all come crashing down.