why do i find it so hard to accept that person doesn’t care or think about me? how do i stop doing that?

i have had arguments with multiple people in the past and we're in no contact situation. what's bothering me so much is that something in me keeps telling that of that person must be missing you, indirectly caring for you, regretting what they did, etc.

i even keep written diary so that i don't forget what they did to me and how hurt i was. but inside of me can't stop forgiving them. this happens everyday. it's bothering me so much bc i have proofs. i even hear from other people how much they hate me. still idk why is it so hard for me accept that they hate me. how do i stop painting them as saints in my head? idk why is it so hard to accept the truth

any help is appreciated<3

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