Hi all,
For some context, I was digging through an old closet and found a medical document dating back to 2013 stating that I have ADHD. It was from a cardiology clinic (I know they don’t give the diagnosis for ADHD, but I just wanted to point that out). When I first read it, my heart sank. No one ever told me about this – ever. I also never received any sort of medication or treatment for this. During my elementary school years, I was described as “talkative” or “chatty” by my teachers. Coincidentally enough, I was also described as “smart” by them. In fact, during 4th grade, I was put into my school’s “gifted” program. I often scored high on assignments and tests, and felt that I thrived in the classroom environment despite going “off-topic” with my classmates occasionally in the form of chatter. During my 6th grade year, I was put into online school. I should note that this was not by choice at all. I did not want to attend online school whatsoever. My mother essentially “forced” me into it due to her work schedule and the fact that she would not allow me to walk to school.
In short, I would describe my 6th grade year as less than stellar. My grades weren’t “bad” per se, but they definitely weren’t up to my standard. I would describe my home environment as very dysfunctional, and I found myself procrastinating often – something that I never did during elementary school. This theme continued during 7th grade. During 8th grade, I had an “awakening” so to speak. I stopped procrastinating once and for all and my grades improved. This was also during our state-mandated testing year, which I scored high on, that really forced me to change my habits.
During 9th and 10th grade (keep in mind, this is still online), things got a bit better (albeit, there were some hiccups along the way during 9th grade). I did notice, however, I had difficulty concentrating that became more and more pronounced over time. I found myself rereading paragraphs of online textbooks over and over to comprehend it. I also noticed that I would get these migraines that would cause me to lose focus. I also noticed that my memory got worse. I often spent around 7 hours per day behind a computer doing school work. As I mentioned, I live in a very dysfunctional home environment. During school hours (we had online Zoom sessions that were scheduled), there would be constant hollering and screaming, running, jumping, and fighting between my younger siblings (one of whom is severely autistic, and I was responsible for helping take care of him). Coupled with the fact that I was essentially trapped in the house by my mother, leaving with me with no social life whatsoever, things started to get significantly worse for me mental health wise. I “masked” it to keep up with that status-quo. I still got “good” grades, but at the same time became very depressed and frustrated due to my home environment.
I’m about to start my junior year of high school, which will be in-person, and I’m concerned that I won’t be able to adjust and “thrive” like I used to. Coupled with reading this ADHD diagnosis, which was never talked about to me, makes me even more worried. I’m not sure what to do at this point. I also work a part-time job, so I’m not sure how I’m going to be able to balance that without affecting my grades.