BTW This will also go into drugs. I had this good friend, let's call him John, and everything was going good until things got a little kissy. Now, he was doing all of this with me while he was dating someone (don't worry, I had no fucking clue he was dating anyone until he broke up with her). So, I found out about rumor that I raped him. I am a 5'2, petite girl and he's 6'2 and built like a linebacker. That never happened. I never brought it up with him because I thought it was one of his friends. Then 6 months ago he invited me over to his house. While I was there, he was getting real touchy with my ex-friend. So, I left and texted him I don't want to see you anymore. 3 months later, something big happen (Not going into details), but I texted him. He said I should say sorry, so I did, I overreacted. But that is NOT what he wanted me to say sorry about! He said I COULDN'T say sorry because you can't UNRAPE someone! As. I said we never got close to sex! Yes, we got touchy but not that! So, we get into an argument, I give up because it's like talking to a brick wall. Now, John was doing meth, weed, coke, you name it, he was also really messed up in the head for a long time. So, I had a really bad night and needed to talk to someone, so I go to his house, because I didn't care if I got yelled just as long, I don't have to think about the other thing. He ends making his very understanding brother, talk to me then this coward finally shows up. I'm crying, saying I'm sorry but not like blubbering (kinda like in those movies where the girl cheats on the hero and is really quiet type of way). I was saying I understand, and he mocked me. I let it happen. After all of this, I left, and I was smiling. It took me a second at first, but I found out I was happy. I blamed myself for such a long time that this was all my fault, but it wasn't. He was so fucked up in the brain that he believed what he was saying! I was happy and confused and I was crying! Then I come back home, and the other thing had sorted out itself. I'm happy, my heads telling me I am and going back to the weight and height difference, I also realized no one actually believed him, maybe his close friends and family, but no one else. Which is why I only hearing the rumor from my ex-friend. I'm not happy that he's fucked up I'm just happy that it was never my fault. Now, I did feel like this tugging at my heart to begin with but now it feels better. Yes, I feel bad for being happy, but what else am I supposed to do? Also, what was the tugging feeling with my heart, it's gone now, but?
