I (F18) met him (M33) a couple years ago. He is American and I'm Dutch (excuse my English:)). He had had mild psychological training at the army, and he would sort of play mind games with me and predict me and stuff, and I'm not sure why but I loved it. I got kind of addicted to it and kept wanting more.
Because of the age gap and different opinions and views on things, we would have quarrels and arguments quite often. I'm a person who likes and needs that. I need to be challenged like that. But he wasn't. He'd get emotional and think we're fighting when I'm just dicussing.
Sometimes we'd have a bad fight where he really crossed a line for me. I'd block him, and think about him constantly. And mostly a couple months later, I'd text him again.
Now a few weeks ago I think, we had the worst fight so far. He told me he didn't care that he hurt my feelings and offended me, amongst other hurtful things. I blocked him and I truly haven't thought much about him since, but today I did think about him again, and had a sense of like missing him. I'm scared because I know he's manipulative and toxic and I don't want to talk to him anymore. I'm confused as to what's pulling me back everytime.
I just hope I can stay strong and stay away from the toxicity this time.