I got exposed to erotica pretty young, probably around 7/8 so it could just be that. But I was always drawn to movies and stories that dealt specifically with SA. When I was like 10 I started having nightmares about being SAd. And I would have this little voice that would wish I was SAd
This is probs normal for kids but adding it in case it’s smth?? But I had a childhood friend who I was always being silly and naked with (our moms said we always had our clothes off). He was my “first kiss” at five because he convinced me to kiss him every time the people on the movie we were watching kissed. I obvs don’t count it because we were literally babies.
This one is the most embarrassing so please please don’t judge 🙈😭
But sometimes when I masturbate I get overwhelmed and start crying. I feel like I’m having a panic attack and just say “no no stop I don’t like it stop” over and over while curled in a ball.
Maybe I’m just a weirdo but please be nice! This is literally freaking me out because I’ve like always had a little voice telling me I might have been but like I also don’t know???