I unintentionally hurt my best friend last april and ever since then I had to spend hours appologizing to her and explaining my behaviour over and over. While I was going through a manic episode I ended up raising my voice at her and being cold and she said it caused her trauma. I believe her and I genuinely felt a lot of remorse over it. I wish we just left it in the past but I keep being reminded of it by her like it was yesterday and it's ruining my mental health. I'm tired of being called selfish, egocentric, pathetic and annoying whenever she remembers what I did. I understand why she felt hurt and I always appologize whenever she gets mad about it but the way she constantly interrogates me about it and puts me down is making me feel so worthless. If I do say that it hurts me she says I deserved it because of my behaviour and that I need to deal with the consequences of my actions. If she hurt me I'd probably get over it in like few days because I forgive and forget easily but she doesn't. She became so aggresive towards me and it's ruining my mental health and self worth. I can't have a good month without her just shitting all over it with her getting mad at me over something I did in the past. I can't think of myself and my feelings for a second or I'll get told I'm being self centred and that I'm playing the victim. Is this really what accountability is? Does being accountable mean that I should take insults, constant interrogation and be sorounded by negative energy just because I did something bad while I was manic? I feel like hurting myself whenever I have to go through an argument
