Idk what to do

I (20F) have been struggling for years mentally ever since when I was in high school. I am undiagnosed since mental health illnesses or in general has so much stigma in my country and even in my family in general, they believe that the younger generation is too soft for wanting to talk about mental health and they believe that people are just too dramatic nowadays so whenever I feel conflicted I just keep to myself although I open up to my two closest friends about what I feel it just doesn't feel like it's enough especially since we don't always talk too each other due to our schedules.

As I was researching on what I feel on the internet (I do not promote self diagnosing!! I only do this to find some clarity for the moments I feel very conflicted) and from what I had researched, from the symptoms people share that has been very similar to mine helped me think that I may have BPD or borderline personality disorder and as much as I want to go see a doctor about it I could only wait until I graduate and work for me to be able to get diagnosed without the knowledge of my parents.

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