Hi y'all. I am a student and honestly I don't even know how to describe my situation. I have been good at high school and wanting to fulfill my parents' dreams ever since. I am preparing for an important exam and I feel alone most of the time. I have lost too many people in the past 1.5 years. Some to depression or to some disease which has impacted me a lot.
I don't think that I have the right to complain because I am very privileged. I have good education, very dear parents who have always given me more than I have asked for and hence I aim to fulfill their dreams. But day by day, it is getting more and more difficult for me to continue like this. I struggle to go to sleep and wake up to panic attacks. As soon as I wake up, I can't wait to go back to sleep. I have lost motivation to do anything and everything. It scares me that I might not be able to achieve my goals but no motivation whatsoever.
I let go of someone I love because I started feeling nothing and thought my love for them subsided. We had been together for 5 years approx and now I am just alone. I don't think involving them in my life would have been a good option anyways, it would have only ended up hurting them. I know this might just be me venting because I already know the suggestions. I can't do therapy because it will make my parents feel like they aren't good at parenting and I am a minor so can't afford therapy either.
It has started to hurt a lot and it has become really hard to keep going. Honestly, I am hanging on to dear life only because my parents would be sad if I were gone.