Hey guys. I’m writing this 15 minutes before midnight. It’s also my birthday tomorrow.
It doesn’t matter who, where, when, what or how. I can start spiralling in my thoughts at any point in time. I find that it happens on days where I am at home doing nothing. I wish I didn’t think so much about things that have traumatized me. I’m pretty sure I have PTSD because these mental health symptoms have only appeared after specific traumatic events that happened in my life. These events all happened one after another, so that doesn’t help either.
I wish I could stop spiralling into my own thoughts. It’s not fun, it re-triggers and re-traumatizes me every single time. I start getting delusional thinking that my friends are against me. I’m scared that they’re all gonna disappear on me for no given reason.
My suicidal thoughts have gone up over the past few weeks. My spiralling has gotten worse to the point where I am getting thoughts of suicide. I don’t plan to act on anything, of course. There are people that I love and care about too much to do it now. I know my immediate family loves me. I just don’t know how much of this I can take because it’s weighing down so much on me.