I believed that I was a human with much more complex thoughts than the fellow people I am surrounded by. I guess that is universal when you are young you think you withhold some sort of superpower and talent you are going to pursue when you are older.
I believed I was extraordinarily genius, ranking among the top of the top because I never felt a part of people I never had the same thoughts never had ordinary conversations , my thought process was the quoted by many as " something a truly mad genius would have', I was labelled the weirdo the evil vicious joker kid , yes it came with so much baggage, social isolation which I used to take with pride because I knew I was different. Then came along Quora to fuel my ego and delusions, 'not having friends means only few people think like you ', "signs you are a genius" so i knew this all social rejection and being odd was because of my insufferable genius.
Now reflecting back this mindset was so cute, but if only I knew I would not be able to stand with my head up ever, if only I knew the reason why I don't connect get along with people even my family was because I lack something not because I am too smart, ignorance is bliss and I wish i could stay in the blissful unknown where I don't get butterflies( weird bowel movements) thinking about the life I am to deal with after repeatedly failing and failing each and every thing i wish and want in my life.
i wish i could believe I am still a superhuman genius instead of knowing I am even dumber than the taxi driver or the person I said Hello to.
The only person who understands me is me , my twisted head which even I wish I could sometimes throw out, the senseless chatter, the screams of helplessness, plus reality which is scary all by itself is just turning me in to something I never wanted to be.
But I just need to get out of my head get out of my head it's a place I dread