I know I was abused both physically and emotionally, but whenever I tried to bring this up my parents said that “it never happened”, they “never actually said/do that”, or I “was being a bad child” and I “deserved to be punished.” They would also tell me to bring up what they actually have done wrong, not just how I felt at that time.
I grew to force myself to not reflect or question my traumas. I learned to bottle up my feelings rather than actually go over them and express those emotions in a healthy way. I would block myself from reaching out for help, and rather present myself as a dumb, superficial person.
I realized that this wouldn’t help me in long terms, and I want to figure out to heal myself.
But at this point, I’m not even sure if I was actually abused. I just can’t remember what actually happened. I remember how I felt as a child/teenager, but I can’t remember how this each and every “traumatic” event happened. I even think that maybe I am making up things to avoid admitting that I am a bad person.
Is there a possibility that I was a sensitive child, and I’m just overreacting? Or am I feeling this way because my parents were neglecting? If so, how can I heal myself from the traumas when I can’t even remember them clearly.
Sorry if this whole ranting was hard to read, English isn’t my first language.
