We were together for 8 years and knew each other for 10. I even hate saying boyfriend because people take our relationship less seriously but our relationship was deep and we were each others person. We never married because we didn’t wanna follow societies rules. I loved that we always had that understanding and at least we always had each other… but now he’s gone… and left me on this god for saken planet to deal with his family and my own life.. which isn’t even much of a life… It’s been about a month in a half. I know it happened. I know… but I’ve been in denial for the most part. I went to his “celebration of life”, I read his note, I saw his death certificate… I’m in very complicated grief… but we were supposed to stick this shitty ass life out together and now he’s gone… how could he do this to me… I’m so hurt and mad and I don’t want to keep living anymore. Im supposed to go to work and act like everything’s okay and keep paying bills and live life for a life not worth living. The only thing I’m living for is my mom but that’s honestly kind of dark. It’s like I’m hoping she passes soon so I can leave this miserable life. Some days I don’t even know if I’m strong enough to wait for her. I’m tired of being in pain. Just living. Anytime I go out and “ live life” I hate it and it just reminds me of why I should’ve never been born. Living just to not to upset others at this point.
