I am autistic but also mentally ill. I am 17 nearly 18. Please do not tell me to reach out, I cannot it will destroy my whole life. My parents, most of the time are decent people. They buy me most things I want, they have funded my education and have stayed with me throughout my teenage years when I have been constantly in hospital and sectioned. To be clear, I am much better now but still have some pretty bad incidents some days. Sometimes, my parents, especially my mother’s behaviour just switches and she acts horribly. Over maybe, the past year I have had some incidents where they have reacted badly and it’s making me feel quite bad about myself. I know it is not appropriate to be horrible and scream at people or threaten them or hit them but in these moments I lack capacity to control my impulses and realise this is not appropriate. I always take responsibility and apologise after though. A couple of weeks ago I got into an argument with my family where I shouted at my sister and my mother grabbed me by the neck and pushed me against the wall while telling me how disappointed she is in me. A couple of days ago I was having a meltdown and grabbed a kitchen knife and tried to run away with it (only to hurt myself and my parents knew this) they restrained me but my dad started hitting me hard on the arm repeatedly which he claims was to try and make me let go but it seemed excessive. There have been other times where they have slapped me when having incidents. Tonight I brought it up with my parents that it’s making me really upset but they said that it was my fault for having incidents and I give them no other choice. My mother started talking about how her life is terrible because of me. I find this situation really hard because I can’t talk about it with my therapists or teachers because they will just contact social services. All I’m really asking from this is someone to talk to about it. Thanks.
