I’m struggling with being in my own head. Critical self-awareness every minute of the day. I currently go to therapy where I’m working on c-ptsd, adjusting to new life realities, etc. one thing I feel like I’ve had a major realization with is my former diagnosis of BPD, OCD, anxiety, depression vs. Autism and ADHD. I really feel like my childhood was plagued with outbursts and meltdowns and inability to perform well in social situations, having weird interests, becoming depressed and suicidal after years of being forced into rep sports and never getting assistance in school, is closer to a female potentially on the spectrum and not borderline personality disorder. But I can’t help but feel like I’m watching myself in a performance everyday. All day at work is a performance, every interaction with every person is pre-planned to a degree. I also know my hyper vigilant brain always “reads the room” planning everything… and I’m so tired… how do you take a break from being in your own head all the time? I’m getting to the verge of mental breakdown.
