Hello all!
I (male) have a complicated relationship with my mother. She had me when she was 15 years old, getting pregnant by my seemingly antisocial father from what I gather.
Despite the trauma, and I imagine an internal conflict about how she really felt about having me, she does some really strange things in my opinion…
Firstly, it’s how she’s been treating me since I was little – (threaten to) abandoning me at the slightest hint of any flaw I might have as a human – whether physically or emotionally.
Secondly, she often mirrors how I feel about things and she makes it seem like it’s how she feels about things, but I can tell it’s not what she really feels about it. Hard to explain, but an example – if I feel helpless, she feels helpless – and that’s not just for the moment, which I would more easily understand – mirroring – but it might be to how I feel in life in general…
Then, I feel personally responsible to comfort her, and I’m beginning to question if this is all an act on her part. And if so, I don’t know if it’s conscious or not.
She does mirror people in general and is deeply insecure about herself as well as rejecting it as a whole. But this “life-mirroring” and discard is something she does specifically towards me…
I’m not looking to diagnose her, but some pointing out how I should understand it all, would probably be of good help. Any advice would also be appreciated, but try to keep in mind that I’m getting old and don’t have that many relationships in my life. I would go to therapy, if it was affordable for me at the moment…
(I don’t want the latest jungle telegraph advice – but something from someone who genuinely understands what I’m talking about)
Thanks!