This is the first time I post something on reddit, and English is not my first language, so I apologise in advance for any mistakes I make.
Ever since I was a teenager I have struggled with mental and physical health. After 10 years of therapy, I could say everything was finally okay. I had this balance in life that I was able to maintain for 2 whole years. I was so happy.
Now I’m slowly gliding back in anxiety, living life with a tenseness in my body I can’t stand. Physically I am in pain, and doctors can’t do anything about it.
Luckily, at least for now, I manage to maintain my daily life. Go to work, visit friends every once in a while, stuff like that. It’s the evenings and nights I find difficult.
I am so done with not being okay, especially since I have now had two years in which I did experience the happiness. When I lie awake in bed I wonder how the f*** I am going to grow old this way. All the pain and tears and sadness.
I just needed to share this with people who might understand. My family and friends don’t really, and think I want to stop living if I share this thought with them. I don’t want that. I simply cannot fathom where I can find the strength to go through this once again.
The thought is very heavy to carry, and makes me cry every time it pops up in my head.