*Warning: also contains addiction/ substance abuse*
He broke up with me in February because his mental health was so bad that he couldn’t believe that I wasn’t cheating on him. He relapsed after 2 years clean the day we broke up.
Then he moved to his brother’s house and I desperately hoped that he would be ok but apparently he had been using the whole time… I found out 2 days ago that he overdosed and died…
He worked harder on his mental health than I have ever seen anyone work. He did absolutely everything that is supposed to help people get better and he just… Didn’t.
We told eachother when we separated that once both of us had some time to work on ourselves, we’d get back together and spend the rest of our lives together…
I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know how to breathe. I don’t know how to express this correctly but like… My mental health has improved enough that I’m actually handling this well? And I cannot express enough how much I don’t want to be handling this well.
I’m missing my unhealthy coping mechanisms because they felt so much more… Cathartic.
I’ve spoken to over 20 people in the last two days (me being the only bridge between his family and his friends) and I just… I’m so burnt out. I’ve been a sounding board for other people’s grief the past two days and… It is all so much.
I want to ask for advice but I don’t even know what to ask. Does anyone have any?