My parents divorced last September (not on paper yet). I’ve only seen my dad once after that. Shortly after the divorce he got a new woman and in his words ‘it was never gonna work out between us anyway”, which was really hard for my family. After all that he came to visit ‘us’ but the whole time it was just my parents threatening eachother and fighting. At that time I also got really sick and smashed my face against a hard hook. I haven’t seen him since then but we call and message 3-4 times a week.
He wants to visited again. My mom had made it clear to him and everyone that she doesn’t want him in this house (it’s in her name btw) but I still felt the need to call him and make sure he hears it directly from me, because I thought it’ll feel less demanding if I said it. He didn’t care.
After every call I make sure he knows that I love him and no matter what he does I’ll always love him and that we all forgave him, even though he never said sorry but I get his reasons. Eventually I came to the realisation that maybe it was good for both of them.
A few days ago he said he wants to visit us again, but I’m sure he knows that nobody here wants him and my mother in the same house. It’ll just be uncomfortable and we’ll be in fear 24/7. So this time I told him that, and he just wasn’t taking my seriously at all. It felt like he just didn’t care. I told him that if he really wanted to see his children he wouldn’t be coming to this house and since he lives in another country, he should take us there. I told him that if he still came here for that excuse then he’s just feeding his ego. He said that my mom will leave the house for the time he’s there but that’s just pathetic… He kept asking stupid and angering questions like:
Me: “We don’t want you to come here to visit us, we should come to you because it’s better for all of us.”
Him: “Why is it better?”
Me: “Because being in the same space as both of you (my parents) is just uncomfortable and none of your children want it”
Him: “why?”
Me: “Because your our father and you should care about how we feel! If you visiting us is going to make us anxious and uncomfortable then that’s not good right!? So we want to spend time with you alone without our mother”
Him: “She can leave the house, I don’t have anything to do with her.”
Me: “But it’s still her house, just ignore all the other stuff and do it for us (his children)”
Him: “No I won’t be calling or messaging you okay”
Me: “I’m not saying I don’t want to see you! I do! But not like this.”
Him: “It’s my choice and I don’t want to see yall now”
I really do want to see him and spend time with him after so long because he never got to be with his children alone. So I legit think it’ll be a good bonding time and to let everything go! But at this point it just feels like I’m babying my own father and now he’s sulking. I got so frustrated I cried for a good 20 minutes. I still love him and want to see him ofcorse but i just wish he would give a shit one day and stop caring sm about his ego or something like that.