Why am I finally opening up and telling this story to the world now? I don’t know.
I was scared, but now I am not.
Maybe people deserve to know now. I’m no longer afraid of talking about this.
For five years up until today, I was so afraid of what people would think, I guess. Today is the day I come clean. It’s Friday, April 19th, 2024.
I don’t have many friends left here in the UK since I returned, and I spend all my days now working on VR apps.
It’s become my life’s work. Both apps I have created are designed to help people find inner peace and calm. To help people who have suffered from PTSD like me but to also help anyone that wishes to relax and find some inner peace.
**WHAT HAPPENED IN CANADA FIVE YEARS AGO?**
I was going through a rough patch four to five years ago when my wife left me and constantly called the authorities on me when things broke down, in an attempt to get me removed from the country I loved, Canada.
I traveled there from the UK to be with her for our final two years together (we were together for five), but I developed bipolar disorder and started to suffer from ill health. Unfortunately, she didn’t want to stick around.
She had a right to leave if she wanted to, but I hoped she would have been stronger, not listened to her father and brother so much, who were overly negative about me throughout our relationship.
I had no idea why, even to this day. I treated my ex-wife as well as I could, but I guess it wasn’t ever good enough for them.
I still am struggling today, but it has gotten a bit better with time. I have almost come to terms with what has happened almost five years later. Almost.
One night, the door of the apartment swung open, and I heard my ex-wife calling my name. I was just so happy to see her back home safely and to hear her voice and that familiar tone.
Instantly I was greeted by two police officers who ordered me to get on my knees. In a state of shock, I told them to leave; I was not a criminal and had done nothing wrong.
They were quite trigger-happy and shot me with a taser for my trouble, and it was the most painful feeling. I could do nothing but shake uncontrollably in pain.
This wasn’t the end, however. They forced me against my will to go to a hospital where I merely existed for months and months and was locked inside.
She told me over the hospital phone that she did not love me anymore. In an instant, I lost everything.
The doctors at the hospital didn’t care, so I had little choice but to walk the same corridor each day, wondering if I was really insane?
It took so much to find a lawyer to come to my aid. The lawyer found the hospital had done something wrong with my paperwork, and I was immediately discharged.
Several months had passed by that time, and I never got a chance to see the sky or hear the birds sing.
I returned to our apartment and took over the contract so at least I wasn’t homeless for now.
I did feel like it would be better if i wasn’t around. Life was unbearable.
One night after weeks alone in the apartment, I sensed a strange energy. It was oddly quiet outside my door. I knew something was up. My sixth sense was telling me there were police outside. I called through the door to ask if anyone was there. No reply.
It turned out my ex-wife’s family was fully aware that I was released from the hospital, and for some reason, they called an entire SWAT team for me. How lucky I was, outnumbered more than 7 to 1.
I didn’t leave the apartment for many days, sensing but not really knowing what was on the other side of the door. I called through the door offering to make them cups of tea, etc. I said I wanted to talk and there had been a real misunderstanding. I said I had done nothing wrong, but I was just greeted with silence.
Finally, after four days, I opened the door and was immediately shot by the SWAT team for a second time. I was alone, unarmed, but still they didn’t talk; they just shot me. They started cutting off my clothes and then gave me something that made me hallucinate.
Then they sadisticly asked me to walk to a stretcher where I stated I had been shot and couldn’t walk properly (I still had cables from the taser trailing from my leg). Apparently, I left this conscious world for three days under the influence of what they injected me with.
I woke up in an operating room with tubes and began to panic. I started trying to remove the tubes, and they put me under again. This time I woke up in intensive care, handcuffed to the stretcher. I felt like a criminal, but I had done no wrong. I was deeply hurt, angry, and lost.
Again I was taken to a locked ward where I walked the corridors again for many months more, wondering what I had done to deserve this, my visa running out. I was so distraught that one day I decided to try and escape when visitors came for the other patients (I had no family there in Canada and was completely alone).
I made it through the closing door to the other side before another patient dragged me back inside into the ward that had become my prison. He hated me and would often make nasty comments. Some people have issues, they just cant get along with others.
I had to fight to get him off me for my freedom, which didn’t last long. A grand total of 10 seconds.
As a result, I was punished; I wasn’t allowed out in the enclosed courtyard like the other patients. I could not hear the birds sing nor see the sky again; I was trapped.
Again, I had to find a lawyer to help me fight the case that I should be allowed to be free. In the end, I had to use cunning to escape, as I knew my visa was due to run out. I told the doctor it was running out “next week”, and by keeping me here in a locked ward would result in me overstaying my Visa.
They quickly released me after that.
I returned back to the apartment to find it had been trashed by the SWAT team. I remember before they forcibily injected me, I told them i just wanted to listen to my music and to be left alone. The cut all my headphones cables. I still don’t know why they did that. Was it sadistic? I have no choice but to say it was.
I tried to harm myself after what happened. I don’t want to get into details but it was a painful exsitence. Eventually I relaized it was not worth it.
I cleaned up for what felt like an entire week and took my bike to the nearby trail.
I loved Canada for its nature; it was a beautiful country I so badly wanted to call home. Having been incarcerated for so long, I couldn’t stay inside for long.
The sounds of birds finally greeted me, and the air felt fresh. I valued my freedom so much by this point. I decided my first app would pay respect to the Canadian forests that helped carry me through depression.
I rode my bike every day through the forest. I felt inner peace and calm. I felt relieved; nature was so beautiful and pure. When my visa eventually ran out, I had put in over 1000 miles on the trails on my own.
The forests in Canada became like a second home to me. I wanted to give back.
I wanted to help people that had suffered like me. I returned to London, UK, with a heavy heart.
My support worker in Canada had to escort me to the airport. I didn’t want to leave. Canada had become my home; I thought I would stay there forever.
I’ve lived in London, UK, now for almost five years. I have very few friends, keep to myself, and cannot afford to go out.
I am now disabled with PTSD and bipolar disorder and unable to find work. It felt like a natural choice to change careers and become a student VR developer. “Forest Chill” & “Zen Garden VR” are Oculus VR apps I have created to help people like me, but it’s also now my life’s work.
To help those that really see the value in an app they can open anytime and start to find inner peace.
It is my hope that nobody has to endure what I have.
Every day I am working on making my apps better and am most open to feedback and changes. I often ask people for feedback in the hopes of becoming better. I am no expert in VR development, being self-taught, but as time progresses, the apps will get better.
I still find it hard to cope but I hope that my story will help inspire someone and I hope that my work now will help people across the world.
Thanks for listening to my story and your consideration.
Peace & Love Always.