Hi, having a hard day. Just need some words of encouragement that things will get better.
I am 27. I am very lonely at this moment in my life. My mother passed away and I miss her very much. My father also died three months ago. I have cptsd from childhood. I am in therapy and have been for years and am actively working on it. I have worked really hard to move through college and now have a good job. I have a good living situation too. What I don’t have is family members or community. For the past year I have been trying to change that I joined a few clubs, made some new friends, god its too much to really list but I have been trying REALLY hard to build my tribe. I know it takes time and I must acknowledge I have had some success (starting to form a bond with a few people I met) but overall I just feel like its not working much. I also feel othered from people or dont understand social stuff.
People say I am super charming and I make friends easily but keeping them? People dont reply even though they say they wanna keep in touch, so I think its just to save face. People for reason dont like to hang out in the winter and turn down plans or dont bother to create them. Alot of people dont initiate and dont stay consistent. At the end of the day who knows whats going on in others lives, so I cant judge them. But its so painful. I also see alot of people have connection through partners or parents of childhood friends. Due to my background i dont have childhood friends. I dont have parents or family, Im estranged. I had a gf but we broke up and i havent met anyone new. I feel like the culture in america is finding connection through these three type of relationships. Most people Ive connected with i feel get their connection needs met through above so they dont really need friends. I dont have these things so friends are everything to me. I dont know what to do. I dont know how to make it better. If I need people to change this but people dont need it too. What do I do? Am i just doomed to a lonely life because of my upbringing that i cant change? I am just so fucking sad. The other things is I have friends but I dont see them often. Everyone is busy and capitalism keeps use drained. Plus they have partners (and my best friend suddenly when she got a bf last year I havent heard from her. Everything just turns to the partner. What if someone us dont want that atm?) and are busy i see them like 3 times a year. Like no one seems bothered by it but me. Now i just feel like this weirdo and everyone around me has their chocolate bar and im just standing in the corner by myself. If anyone has any advice to get out of this please help me. I dont wanna be alone all the time. I work alone i come home alone. Please. Should I look into alternative ways of living and join a community or? Thank you.