Self-harm as a way of stopping me to hurt people

In my early childhood I used to enjoy destroying things for a couple of reasons

1- when I felt I didn’t want to play with it anymore

2- when I felt I got too attached to something

And in general growing up I enjoyed causing harm to things and people, was too angry for no good reason XD

Entering my teenage years I started thinking about harming humans around me for no good reasons even my friends family and strangers
and I acted on these thoughts for some time.

Anyway right now I am around 19 years old and changed my thinking progress.

But I still have the urge to hurt people emotionally and physically most of time.

And recently I started to hurt myself instead every time I start making plans to harm others

I don’t find pain enjoyably so I think it’s mostly a good way to deal with these thoughts.

What do you think ??

(Don’t recommend therapy I ain’t going)

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