When i was 10 I had a cousin that was 12-13. She introduced me to a lot of weird and nsfw things. A lot of these things had rapey and incest themes. I was like deadass innocent before this. Anyways seeing these things normalized the rapey and incest shit in my head and I SA’d the older cousin. I don’t have much memory of what happened like I can only remember bits of it but Im pretty sure I was the perpetrator. idk if she ever told me to stop or anything like verbally but i definitely feel like i was the aggressor, once again i cant remember it all only bits. After I finally realized what I did was wrong I felt so nasty and guilty for years. I genuinely wanted to kms at the age of 10 because I felt that what I did was so wrong and unforgivable. I had very bad anxiety the year it all happened and I cry whenever I think about it. It’s been on my mind for years. I was very hypersexual for years after this as well. I was the perpetrator but I can’t help but think that was traumatic for me too. sooo lmk yall opinions and be honest like im not here to feel better im here for answers fr.
btw im F15 the cousin is 18 rn and I haven’t talked to her in years.