Sup internet strangers,
I have never been diagnosed with a mental health issue. I have never sought help nor talked about what happens inside of my head. I’m here to vent because I need to throw these words out there.
I am 28, have a very high paying career, a nice apartment, a beautiful girlfriend, a good bill of health…the works.
But I have to put in so much effort to do literally anything. I find myself just sitting around all day while not at work uninterested in anything outside of the TV or my phone. Getting to the gym, partaking in my hobbies, literally anything just drains me. I am always tired. There are times where i just feel like crying for no reason. Sometimes on a nice day I hope for the rain so I don’t feel so bad just moping around.
But it comes in waves. A couple days ago I sat around all day then suddenly had the motivation to clean up my space. Then I spent the next day outside all day. But today, like most days, I just sat. I pulled myself together enough to go wash my car but then I returned to just sit without the motivation to do anything else.
My job was a dream career for me. Something I wanted to do since I was a child. Now I can’t stand the thought of heading out the door to go back to work. The spark has been stomped out. Changing careers isn’t a viable option.
I’m also an introvert. Being around large groups of people drains me. Meeting new people is like climbing a mountain. I can’t connect with people and my attempts to make new friends has fallen flat because of my complete lack of interest in most people. I do have a small group of friends, though; but I don’t see them often.
So i get stuck in a cycle. Feeling bad because I can’t get myself together and cant get myself together because I feel bad. I get irritated easily when I’m in these moods and just causes me to dig myself in deeper.
I love life and the things we experience in life. Nothing is going to change that. The good, bad, etc. But I just can’t see the sparkle anymore. It’s just so dull.