28 F, childhood in dysfunctional abusive uneducated immediate and extended family for generations.
Things go back periodically. In 2022 I got out of the house (big deal in my culture) bc of consistent emotional and mental abusive for almost two years. This was my wake up call, i knew at the time that my family just does not care, and take abuse very lightly.
Ive gone almost not contact for pretty much everyone except my mom.
These past two days it downed on me that my family is uneducated, they all knew and witnessed my mom get abused and did nothing!!! No figure they will do nothing for me !!!
I started thinking about suicide in 2021 bc of my toxic home environment and crushing work load in my job. It was few times here and there. Similar thoughts comes here and there but not that intense.
Today is the first time I had the feeling of “whats the point of life?”, bc even if things get better, i will always have these traumas, i will be less tired but still tired, i will always have trust issues, i will always feel unsafe.
Just feel very very heavy.