I’m literally too lazy to even write this out. Sorry if it sucks.
I tried anatomy drawing for the first time about 5 minutes ago. It sucks. I want to be brilliant. If I can’t be brilliant, I want to disappear. I want to not feel miserable anymore. I can’t even summon the effort to say I hate myself anymore. I’m just tired. So fucking tired.
I’m tired of having dreams despite knowing I’ll never achieve them. I’m tired of longing for love despite knowing I’ll always be abandoned. I’m so tired of getting motivated after weeks, only for it to crumble like paper in a fire at the slightest inconvenience.
I want help. I want to be brilliant. I want to be brilliant and I don’t want to work for it. Work is too hard. I sit on my fat ass all day. Eating, gaming, masturbating. I know I’m a disappointment. I know no one likes me. But why change when it’s too hard.
Don’t even know what this post is. I guess it’s a cry for help? But even if I read your comments, even if they give me the keys to happiness and fulfillment, I’m just too lazy to put the key in the lock. Misery is a lot easier than happiness. Not nicer, but easier.
What do I even do here?