Hello, my name is Pablo, and I’m 18 years old. My history with drugs began at 16 when I started consuming cannabis every day. It felt good at first until I began experiencing paranoia and panic attacks, and later, psychotic episodes with antidepressants.
After the summer of 2023, marked by drug use, I began experiencing anxiety, OCD, and daily worries. I also noticed my vision deteriorating and felt disconnected from reality, with confusion and an unreal perception of reality. I couldn’t think clearly. I started taking antidepressants in October 2023 for these reasons. My doctor mentioned it could be pseudodementia (a cognitive impairment due to depression). I started with Lexapro (escitalopram 20 mg), which didn’t work well for me. I decided to consume cannabis, alcohol, cocaine, and MDMA while on antidepressant treatment. In February 2024, I switched to Vortioxetine (Trintellix 10 mg), but it didn’t help much either. I continued consuming cocaine and alcohol.
Right now, I’m worse off than before starting treatment in September 2023. My OCD has improved, but I still feel anxious about never getting better. I fear not returning to my old self. I have terrible memory, concentration, and poor vision (no diopters; I was told at the optician that I have high intraocular pressure, pending an ophthalmologist appointment). I started worrying about this in November; I couldn’t watch a movie or perform tasks requiring mental effort. I had to drop out of higher education because I couldn’t study.
I used to be a good student, always passing exams. But now, I feel like I’ve lost a lot of intelligence. In November 2023, I had a brain CT scan, and they said my brain was fine; it was all mental. I’ve talked to my psychiatrist about this, but it hasn’t helped. I would like to seek psychological help and hear people’s experiences. Right now, I feel like I’m dead inside, like my life has no meaning. I can’t study, can’t work, and have no future ambitions.
I am also concerned that the interaction between drugs and antidepressants may have had some negative interaction leaving long term sequelae.
My days are spent wondering if I will ever get back to my old self.